We all lie, or – politely stated – hide part of the truth. Anyone who brags otherwise, is in fact, guilty as charged. We lie for all sorts of reasons; to be courteous to others, to set one’s own boundaries, to cover up for a mistake, to avoid unpleasant repercussions, to save one’s privacy, etc. Yet, irrespective of the intention for not stating part, or the whole truth; once disclosed, certain lies have a more profound impact on relationships than others. Those are the lies we fabricate to entangle people around us with unjustifiable emotional drama to beget their sympathy. The belief that others are out there to envy our fortunes, is usually the main driver. And there are the lies we create to intentionally keep people close to us in the dark to indulge in reckless momentary personal pleasures. Secret lustful affairs usually fall into this category.
Lies of deception are not a one-off inaccuracy. To make it a fool-proof cohesive story and to avoid the embarrassment of being caught out, the person is forced to make up one lie after the other, until they are stuck into a knee-high sea of deceit. Oftentimes the truth reveals itself when one of those lies is inaccurately recalled, or fatefully disclosed by an unsolicited external event. This is when the whole web of lies is broken down. And this is when the real damage strikes.
Lies of deception are not the private matter of the person fabricating them. Their consequences hurt those closest and dearest to that person. When truth is revealed – and most of the times it eventually is – those we mostly care about not only feel their trust has been betrayed and their pure emotions were manipulated by the least expected, but they start to question themselves and what they could have possibly done to instigate such a cold-hearted betrayal. Most relationships expectedly and painfully end at the point of reveal. But if some were destined to continue, they never are the same again. A foundational crack has occurred and the parties’ association with each other will always be managed from that broken prism.
Relationships that truly matter are few and critical in our lives. To nurture them, we ought to steer away from what might risk their healthy survival. Whenever tempted to meticulously fabricate a lie of deceptive nature, we ought to pause and really challenge ourselves if the potential gain of that lie is worth the pain we would ultimately cause to those we genuinely care about.